


a word so small

by Seascribe



Category: due South
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Kidfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 23:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seascribe/pseuds/Seascribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser's only been gone for a week, and Ray's already counting down the days til he comes back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a word so small

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sam_gamgee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_gamgee/gifts).



> Title from the song Now Three by Vienna Teng. Very many thanks to Luzula and ButterflyGhost for looking it over and offering encouragement, and to Muccamukk for helping with the ending and being patient with my inability to understand how telephones work.

It's five minutes past eight, and Ray figures he's got about another ten minutes before things get ugly. He should probably play it safe and start heating up some milk for hot chocolate. Things have settled down a little, the last few days, but Fraser's phone call being late might knock them back to square one.

He doesn't know how Frannie does this whole single parent thing. Fraser's only been gone for a week, and Ray's already counting down the days til he comes back. The kid cried herself to sleep for three nights in a row after Benny left! Ray doesn't do the voices for the bedtime stories right, he can't carry a tune in a bucket to sing her a lullaby, and--this is the one that hurts--his hugs aren't as good as Benny's. 

Ray kind of hates himself for getting upset about that. She's five years old, and she spent her whole life being dragged around by a woman whose name Ray can't even say out loud without wanting to hit someone, until the Feds finally caught up and took the kid into custody. Then it was, "Here you go, the guy in the red suit's your dad, have a nice life!" and she imprinted on Benny like a baby bird. Now, six weeks later, the RCMP has dragged Fraser back to the wilds of Canada to lead some kind of high profile emergency training, so the poor kid's had the rug yanked out from underneath her again. And here Ray is feeling sorry for himself because she doesn't like his hugs as much as her dad's. Jesus.

The phone rings right before he opens the fridge, and there's the pounding of little feet and the clatter of Dief's claws on the hardwood as he and Alba race for the kitchen.

"I wanna talk to Dad!" Alba says, and Ray files that away to tell Benny later. Usually she calls him Ben, but every so often, a "dad" or "daddy" will slip out, and it always makes Fraser look like he can hardly believe that this is actually his life now. 

Ray gets that. It's how he feels on the days when he's awake first and gets to see the smile that breaks across Benny's face when he wakes up and realises he's not alone.

"Ben! Ray and Ray took me to the zoo! There were polar bears, and Ray"--she's talking about Kowalski, which Benny will get, no problem. Somehow she's picked up his way of saying their name so that it's perfectly clear which Ray she means--"told me they have polar bears in Canada too, that he almost got _eaten_ by one once."

Ray goes to pack tomorrow's lunches while Fraser confirms that, yeah, he and Kowalski had seen a polar bear while they were sledding around up there, although Ray knows that in Fraser's version of the story, no one came anywhere close to getting eaten. 

"Wow," Alba says, still plenty impressed. "There was a walrus at the zoo too, did you see a walrus?" And then she's off, going through an exhaustive catalogue of every zoo animal that Fraser might ever have encountered. Ray tunes the rest of the conversation out, and is just putting the Little Mermaid sticker on Alba's bag to hold it closed when she trudges back into the kitchen, looking up at him with big, mournful blue eyes. No mistaking her for anybody's kid but Fraser's, that's for sure.

"Ben says it's bedtime." A little to Ray's surprise, she holds her arms up to be carried to her room. She's usually pretty picky about physical contact with anybody but Benny. "I already brushed my teeth," she says into the phone. "What song are you going to sing tonight?" They've worked out a routine, where Ray tucks her into bed while Fraser sings her something over the phone. Airtime on the cellphone in the Canadian boonies adds up, but these calls are worth it. Ray can sort of half-hear the melody of whatever Fraser's singing for her, something slow and probably sad. Ray hopes that no one dies in it, at least.

Alba heaves a sigh, which means that Fraser's wrapping up, and Dief jumps onto the bed, resting his muzzle on her stomach. Alba reluctantly offers Ray the phone.

"Goodnight, _piccolina,_ " Ray says, blowing her a kiss before he turns out the lamp.

"I'm sorry the phone call was a little behind schedule tonight," Fraser says in his ear. "There was something of a crisis with--well, that's not important right now. Alba seems to be doing better. No crying tonight." 

"Yeah, but twice now I've walked in on her trying to talk Dief into running away up there with her." 

Fraser sighs. "I take some comfort in knowing that Diefenbaker is far too lazy to undertake such a strenuous endeavour." 

"Alba sure isn't," Ray says. "But don't worry, I figure it'll be at least another week before she gears up to going by herself, and you can collect her in Winnipeg on your way back." 

That gets a weak little chuckle out of Fraser, just a puff of static down the line, and then after a long pause, he says, "Ray, I--thank you for taking care of her. I know this isn't something you asked for, and--"

"Don't start with me, Benny," Ray says. "The only reason I didn't ask was because I never figured I'd be lucky enough to get anything like this." 

It's easier to say stuff like that over the phone, and Ray's glad he did, because Fraser says, "I love you," so quiet it's almost lost in the hiss and crackle of the long-distance connection. 

"Yeah," Ray says. "I'm one lucky bastard," and that makes Fraser laugh for real. This is the part where if Fraser were _here_ he'd drag Ray into their room and show him in sweaty, meticulous detail exactly how lucky he is. But Fraser's _not_ here, and they can't even have phone sex because one, Fraser totally sucks at it, and two, he's in a camp crawling with baby Mounties who definitely do not need to hear that.

So they talk for a little longer, about the narrowly averted crisis involving three of Fraser's cadets and a cranky moose, about the case Ray and Kowalski are working and whether or not letting Kowalski kick the suspect in the head will do any good. Fraser has to go way too soon, enforcing lights out, and Ray sneaks in an "I love you" of his own during the goodbyes. 

He checks on Alba after he hangs up the phone. She's doing her sleeping cherub impression, curled up with one arm around Dief. The six days and fifteen hours til Fraser's plane is due to land at O'Hare still seems like an eternity, but for just a second, watching Alba snuggle a little closer to Dief, Ray feels an unexpected jolt of that terrified, awestruck joy, _oh my god, this is my life._ Six days and fifteen hours, and it sure as hell isn't going to be easy, but Ray knows it's going to be worth it.


End file.
